"Am I getting old?" or "Shattered Dreams"

Wow.... I haven't updated my blog for 2 months by now... Crazy!! And to tell the truth it took me a long while to think of what to write this time. I usually have lots of thoughts in my head... But...This time I've got only one... and it's not very optimistic.

What I've been thinking of is that I'm turning 22 this year and somehow it feels like I'm getting so old =)))) I'm serious!!!!

I look around and see all these people of my age getting engaged, married... making a family... Lots of people of my age having a good job or even a career already and all stuff like this..

I look at my life and see that I haven't moved at all... Nothing really changed since I was 15-17..

But now everything in my head, everything I feel is so exaggerated..

- I always hoped that if I ever get married it would be at 20 or max 21...

- I thought that studying English and French would be so exciting... But I got soooo disappointed with the level of education they give us in university. Plus it's all sooo boring and now I totally suck at both English and French.

- I'm tired of living with mom. I really want to move on and start living an "adult life".

- But it's impossible with no "real job".. And I can't get any now cuz I'm still a full-time student.

- My life is friggin boring!!! It really is.. Every day is the same with nothing excited in it.

- I need inspiration.. I long for it... I need it like a drug... But it just never comes.. I want to create, I want to write again.. I want any thing that would make me feel alive.

- I want to have a reason to look nice every day... But now I just don't care.. I don't wanna dress up for uni cuz I'm just sick of this place .. and I never go out... But sometimes I just want to put some lovely dress and go out and feel free, feel nice, feel alive (again)..

Really this list can go on forever but it's more like a list of complaints... I really needed to put it down though.. Hopefully that'll make me feel better cuz all these thoughts absorb my mind these days and it doesn't make me any good.

Being A Rockstar...

"Being a rockstar is like being God: people love and follow you, but still there are those who just won't listen to you and those who are too blind to see how good you really are won't get it until they see you live" - Me

This thought had been spinning around in my head for a few hours yesterday...

Shopping...

Really... It's impossible to go shopping with me!!! I never like anything )))) So whenever I go shopping with mom with the aim to buy something for ME... we always end up with me waiting for her and leaving a mall with a whole bunch of stuff for HER ))))

And that's what happened today again )))) We went shopping for shoes for me... But ended up with mom saying "Have a seat!! It'll take me long" =))) So we left that place with 2 pairs of shoes for mom and... NONE for me )))))))))))

Then we dropped in another place though and I came across these lovely 15$ shoes and loved them ))))))))

Now they are mine )))))

While waiting for mom I watched other people choosing shoes and I got pretty much surprised how shoes you choose show your personality. Like there was a woman there who tried the weirdest ever shoes on... But having a whole look of her I could see why she chose all of those weird shoes.. That expressed her cheerful view of life, creative and cheerful nature.

Then there was a pregnant woman choosing purple boots. She obviously loved that colour cuz her jacket had lots of purlple shades too ))) And the shoes she chose seemed comfortable which is necessary when you're pregnant ))))

My mom: always trying some high heels on. Nothing peculiar. Just beautiful classic shoes. And that's totally like her. Always womanly, loving order in everything.... Just look at any calssic high heels shoes and you'll get what I mean.

Next girl: Choosing shoes pretty much reminding what she was already wearing. I think that shows that she is loyal and is looking for stability in life.

And finally me: I never know what I want )))) If i had a chance I'd wear converse or skater style shoes all the time. But that's not right. A girl should be a girl. And knowing it I sometimes love high heels and some lovely girly shoes. So I can never decide what style I really wanna have. And I guess that all means I'm still looking for myself.

Ha.. Ok.. Guess this post was way boring )))) So I should better finish for now ))))

Catching up...

I didn’t actually do anything extraordinary this month so nothing really happened that would be worth to tell about here.. Probably mostly cuz all I did this months is sleeping )))))))

Though… We had a “big event” in our family the other day – my lil’ sister’s Birthday!! So it was cool cuz almost the whole family came. It’s always nice to have them around. Masha was super excited: lots of presents, sweets, grandpa to play with etc. ))))

Ok.. Here are a few pictures to share with you:

Thanks to the McClellands for this lovely towel

She couldn’t get enough of this toy-synthesizer…Neither could great uncle ))))

Cake

Great uncle and grandpa )))))

Us:

Can't wait for school to be over...

Hahaha.... I really can't ))))) This is the last year for me and I graduate in June... But gosh!!! I just can't concentrate on studying!!! I almost don't do homework anymore )))) And I skip school way too much )))) I'm still wondering how in the world they haven't kicked me out yet ))))

Poor English teacher.... She sees me like 0nce in 2 weeks or so ))))) Every week I promise myself that the next week is gonna be the one with no skipping at all... But guess what??? That just doesn't work and I start skipping since Monday ))))))))))

The only class I regret to skip is French... But I skip it only cuz I don't have enough time to do homework and don't wanna feel like a loser at the class... The French teacher is really cool that's why I always feel ashamed when skipping... But oh well... I know I gotta be better )))

I'll try to.... ha.. I'm already planning on skipping most of the classes tomorrow )))) I have only a month left in this term though.. So maybe next one with less skipping??? ))))))))) Can I handle that??? Hahaha.. I don't think so ))))))))))

Like Only A Woman Can

Brian McFadden - Like Only A Woman Can

This song is perfect!!! I totally love the lyrics!!!! It's really hard to express what this songs makes me feel...

Listening to this song I like to be a woman cuz that means that probably some day I'll make someone feel this way!! =)))

Halloween Time

So this year my Halloween totally sucked… basically cuz I didn’t do anything =((( They didn’t let us do anything at the Branch… And no one really offered me anything that day.

That’s ashame, cuz this very year I was really excited and wanted to dress up as smth…I even asked mom “Let’s just dress up and have fun!!!” but she doesn’t like this holiday only cuz of the fact it’s a day of all the dead.

This day is getting more and more popular in Russia. And this year Yaro teens made some cool stuff… They danced Michael Jackson’s Thriller in the streets and in a mall )))))

Here’s a video from the main street of my city!!! )))

Well… Even though I didn’t get my treat this year I checked out lots of Halloween pictures on Facebook and other blogs. Most of the pictures I came across were of in love couples dressed up in “couple costumes”. That made me think what I would do…But I’ll let you know my choice at the end ))))

Let me show you first some pictures of random couples )))))

I have no idea why but at least 3 couples were these:

Alli and Danny

Jeremy and Shanna

Just a random couple from Facebook … Have no idea what their names are )))

One of my favorite couples Mckenzie and Mikey were David and Victoria Beckham this year:

Christian and Hayley have always been creative ))))

Ok… A few more couples:

Polumna and her husband (some Facebook couple I have in my Friends list) =))))

Natacha Peyre and Dhani Lennevald:

Natacha with some couple:

I think I’d look really hot in Natacha’s costume, huh??? )))))))))))

Oh… And I just can’t help putting THIS PIC:

This guy has probably the most awesome costume!! )))))))))

But ok.. Here’s MY CHOICE!!!!

If it were up to me to choose a “couple costume” …. That would be Bonnie and Clyde!!!

I know, I’m not creative… But for some reason I really want to be them for at least one night =)))) Maybe next year =)))))))