Wednesday, January 27, 2010

"Am I getting old?" or "Shattered Dreams"

Wow.... I haven't updated my blog for 2 months by now... Crazy!! And to tell the truth it took me a long while to think of what to write this time. I usually have lots of thoughts in my head... But...This time I've got only one... and it's not very optimistic.
What I've been thinking of is that I'm turning 22 this year and somehow it feels like I'm getting so old =)))) I'm serious!!!!
I look around and see all these people of my age getting engaged, married... making a family... Lots of people of my age having a good job or even a career already and all stuff like this..
I look at my life and see that I haven't moved at all... Nothing really changed since I was 15-17..
But now everything in my head, everything I feel is so exaggerated..
- I always hoped that if I ever get married it would be at 20 or max 21...
- I thought that studying English and French would be so exciting... But I got soooo disappointed with the level of education they give us in university. Plus it's all sooo boring and now I totally suck at both English and French.
- I'm tired of living with mom. I really want to move on and start living an "adult life".
- But it's impossible with no "real job".. And I can't get any now cuz I'm still a full-time student.
- My life is friggin boring!!! It really is.. Every day is the same with nothing excited in it.
- I need inspiration.. I long for it... I need it like a drug... But it just never comes.. I want to create, I want to write again.. I want any thing that would make me feel alive.
- I want to have a reason to look nice every day... But now I just don't care.. I don't wanna dress up for uni cuz I'm just sick of this place .. and I never go out... But sometimes I just want to put some lovely dress and go out and feel free, feel nice, feel alive (again)..
Really this list can go on forever but it's more like a list of complaints... I really needed to put it down though.. Hopefully that'll make me feel better cuz all these thoughts absorb my mind these days and it doesn't make me any good.

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