Saturday, July 10, 2010

New Hamster

My last hamster died in Decmeber.... 
Some time ago I was out with Masha and there was this woman with a big cahe full of small hamsters.... she gave them away for free.... So we took one too =)))) 

So... meet Zyuzya =)))) It's a boy =)))) He's not nearly as pretty as the last hamster but I don't mind =))) He wasn't cute at all when we took him... now he looks much better =))))))))))) Kind of like in the picture.... 

We had a small accident the next day we took him. Masha asked to hold him and when I was giving the hamster to her he jumped off and fell on the floor... right on his back.... So he started yelling out loud..... I was sooooooo worried about him after that, cuz whenever I tried to take him after that he kept on yelling.... I was afraid if he hurt smth or if he was in pain... because he got to yell sometimes even if we didn't touch him.... Well... Now it looks like he's ok... I guess he was just totally afraid and missed his mom. 

This 'lil hamster is ...... I want to say a bad a$$ =))))))))))) Really..... He never lets me take him... He bites me all the time... even when I give him food!!!! and guess what??? He even snores =))))))))) And still I don't mind taking care of him =)))) 

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Father

"Maybe I shouldn't look for anyone else...
I think your father was the one"
-Mom 


I really don't know what I should start from but I told myself that I would make this post about my father on this day... 
07.07.2001 - My father drowned at the age of 34...

A short father's story...
His life wasn't the easiest one...He grew up in a country-side... As far as I know his father drank and he lost him when he was a kid. Grandpa came home drunk or smth and somehow hit his head. That was the end. 
In teen years dad was a sort of a DJ in a local club... That's where he met my mother. They got married when they were 20. I was born then... As a kid I was absolutely sure that my parents made a perfect match. I remember it clearly when I walked into a room and they were watching TV cuddling... That was the feeling... of that complete harmony and love they had. That is what I dream to be for my kids....None of them drank or smoke or even swore.. Both were teachers. But when father stopped working in school he got some not very good friends who he started drinking and smoking with... In 1996 my parents got divorced. Back then I didn't really realize how bad it was cuz I still got to see dad often and spent much time with him. In a while he got the second wife and they even had a son, my half-brother. But they got divorced too. After that father started drinking even more... he had a lot of anger inside so he fought a lot. On summer of 2001 he drowned. He hit his head in water. 


Thoughts....
My whole life father had been the closest to me. I didn't really realize it back then but he would always try to share things with me, even ask for advice though I was just a kid. He completely trusted me. 
A month before his death we walked together and he told me:
"Natashka, I'm so tired of everything. I don't wanna live anymore. I'll probably commit a suicide or smth"
All I could tell is that he was crazy... 
A month later mom came to me and asked if I knew what a hard life father had those last years.... And that moment everything became so clear..... So I just asked "He died?".... and the answe was "Yes"...................... 

For a few years after his death I always talked and remembered him with a smile on my face... It was easy for me to talk about him... Cause I knew that was better for him.... that he felt so much better up there in heaven. ... But these last years.... I can't... All I've got is tears and tears.... It's probably selfish but I want him back  soooooo bad.... I need him sooo much.... It's way too hard to live without him.... I remember him saying with tears in his eyes that I was the most imporatnt thing on Earth for him..... And I always could feel it... He cared about me like no one ever did... No matter what he was the perfect dad.... He was an example for me....He was the most important person for me...... 

I'm gonna miss so many things about him.... 
All of the hot-dogs we got to eat..... All of the movies we got to watch together...especially Mortal Combat =)))) How we went to buy him jeans and he asked for my advice.... Since then I prefer only a certain quality of jeans...I remember how huge his pants always were... he always kept them on a chair hack.. How we got to walk a lot and talk... How he was the only one who called me Natalia.... I don't like to be called this way at all... but he was the only one who could say it in a strict and manly voice and I would still love it... How much he cared of me and how he would always stand for me.... How we got to play and watch football a lot... He was the one who taught me to love beautiful football... How I went to visit him all the time after the divorce... How we played video games together...  How he cried because I saw him all bruised and swollen 'cause he faught the day before that... There are a million more things that I always keep in my heart and that remind me of him.... 

Sometimes I wonder what he would think of me today... What he would say about the choices I made and still make.... And sometimes I'm afraid he wouldn't approve the life I live....All I know for sure is that he's a better part for me.... He gave and taught me all the best things I have.... 

There are 2 songs reminding me of my dad.... I always cry listening to them when I'm alone...

Matt Willis - Me And Your Mother

Brian McFadden - He's No Hero

P.S. You may think I shouldn't have posted all these things... But I did that for myself... I needed that.... and now I feel much better having done it... 


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